Christmas is Sometimes the Most Terrible Time of the Year and It’s Okay

Christmas is supposed to be just full of jolly, but falala it’s sometimes not.

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A wonderful idea:

It’s always nostalgic going back home for the holidays especially if it’s a place you have lived most of your life. Going back now is fond, and not so fond memories all wrapped up into one. Reminds me of a tamale.
December break couldn’t come soon enough, and I really have to tell you I very much enjoyed every moment of it…. well sort of. Life isn’t always rainbows and unicorns farting snowflakes (oh why do you have to make this awkward and weird). But seriously life isn’t always sunny sunshine and pearls of bliss during the holidays. Sometimes for some people it sucks, and there are just sucky things going on.

Going back home to visit family and friends this time turned out to be a very humbling and enjoyable experience. I always love going back to my roots and being around people who know me for who I am, love, and accept me for obvious reasons like my weird self. I felt very grateful, and thankful that my Christmas this year was pretty wonderful again sort of.

However, I sincerely ache for others who are having a difficult time especially in my circle of friends and family. This trip felt as if I was meant to be there for others, and serve them by listening, giving encouraging words, laughing, and crying together. El Paso always leaves me at the end of the trip in awe that my life’s purpose has yet begun. So many people I know are going through terrible things this year that all I can do is be there in mutual love and understanding/support.

When others are suffering, I too suffer. When I can help them by just holding space for them, and be a presence/uplift them in supportive ways it gives me a grander purpose in my life. I am so thankful for such amazing friends who I cherish and I can be weird and laugh with. I am so grateful for the family I have as well. This thankfulness can only be fully expressed in being there for them when they are struggling with lonely, painful, mountainous, treacherous terrain of an inner obstacle/challenge.

Leading Events:

IMG_0218.JPG  We always celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve at my grandparents. I spent about 2 good hours making squash, cinnamon, bacon wrapped things with Steven as my helper. It was worth all the blood, sweat, and tears that took into making those little things.  We ate tamales and had a great time with family singing songs and laughing our butts off.

You know when your an adult when Christmas no longer has a lure for you like it used to when it comes to presents. Now I feel presents are more for the kids than for me. Christmas is about family and getting together.

Christmas day, Steven and I seem to always want to go out to eat when literally everything in El Paso is closed. We settled for Sonic instead of Whataburger.

We were able to make a day trip to go tubing in Cloudcroft NM which is an hour and half drive. No traffic just open landscapes stretching for miles. You can see a sliver of white sand stretched over a good 20 mile radius (I’m guessing). White sands is truly incredible.

We went tubing, had a blast, my img_0249toes were freezing in my thin, wet Nikes.  Then on our way back after we drove through the mountain tunnel, we veered off the side of the rode to take pictures. Incredible view of White Sands and the desert beyond the mountainous landscaping. IMG_0279.jpg    Steven heard water below and saw a hiking path down. We hiked down and came across a beautiful clear river. A couple was already sitting and chatting. We found a rock not too far from the couple and took a moment to listen and not think. I noticed a hole in the hillside the shape looked like a hole punched out heart.

It was a nice little retreat before heading back. We visited a few more friends before long our trip had ended, and we were on our way back to Henderson. A beautiful orange sunset with rain clouds haloed around in Arizona ended the trip quite nicely.

I can’t really go into detail about the terribleness of what other’s are going through without giving away their preciousness of privacy. So in a nut shell all I really can say is this…

Life in a split second could always be worse. And when others are suffering during a time we should be rejoicing with family, friends, and God it is a time we must hold those dear in hearts. Sometimes we are just trying to get through the painfully difficult time in our life. Life isn’t always sunny and sometimes to see the positive in all the sadness is unrealistic. SometiIMG_0304.jpgmes life sucks period. And we have to deal with it. Our hearts are broken, and all we have left are the pieces,  God so faint we don’t feel him, numb. We are left with the “Why is this happening?” and the questions that our heart’s clouded with confusion could never answer as our minds are struggling to make sense of.

If there is one thing to hold onto then it’s the hope that it will pass. Things will get better, and the worst things in life teach us the greatest lessons. I am grateful for all the bad and good in my life and the people that have seen me through the worst and best of times. Thank you, I can only return the favor and be there for them. It has opened my eyes to what’s truly important in life. Each other and devoting one self to an inward life of deep connection with God.

Life teaches us that life sucks and that we are not alone in our suffering. Merry Belated Christmas Everyone.

(btw bought those cool looking mugs at TJ Maxx)

*****(Video soon to come as soon as I figure how to upload)

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